Welcome
Dalibor is a semi-canon Dragonriders of Pern site. No knowledge of the series or site is required to join; players of all experience levels are welcome here. Founded in 2008 on Proboards and moved to Jcink in 2013, Dalibor has been running for eight years.

News
Spring, 18th Turn, 11th Pass

Upcoming Flights:
Red Cyanide

Upcoming Hatchings:
Amber Era

Western Hold welcomes new blood in the form of a young couple, Lord Holder Basasius and Lady Holder Baria. A grand Gather is being hosted by Western Hold to welcome their new Lord and Lady.

While the new Lords settle into Western there has been talk and speculation about the western continent's other Hold. It has been two turns since his wife's passing in the south, when will Lord Callum decide to take up a new wife?

Spring has woken an abundance of plant life across Pern with intermittent spring showers helping to sate the growth's never ending thirst. With the end of snow and cold comes Thread once more; Dalibor's wings have no doubt been reduced due to losses over the winter but none the less they persevere.
Leadership
Weyrwoman
Rayna of Gold Couineth - Boo

Weyrleader
Z'dyn of Iron Baihujinth - Rhia

Jr. Weyrwoman
Jali of Copper Laanasuth - Rii

Jr. Weyrleader
Arlya of Burgundy Xerocleth - Rowana

Alphahandler
Norla of Bronze Norsk - Ivy

Betahandler
Der of Grey Desk - Rii
Oreanda of Bronze Osk - Ruin

Weyrlingmaster
B'tor of Green Tavistrath - Sakoru
Nia of Pink Koeneth - Catsitta
S'vor of Green Absinth - Ruriko

Wherlingmaster
Ijo of Brown Isk - Rhia
Pavir of Blue Pavisk - Captain
Swithin of Blue Swisk - Ivy

Candidatemaster
Ulian of White Rivath - Ruin
Ra'h of Green Musath - Blot
Zanii of Black Zansk - Leo

Staff
Head Admins

Ruin

Moderators

Ivy
Rii

Historian

Rhia

Advertisers

Tigersilk
Zane
Credits
Dalibor was created by Bre, continued by Cathaline, and is now owned and operated by Ruin. Most of the information, rules, and graphics were made, compiled, or written by staff with credit given to those whose resources they used. Stock thanks to credited parties. All characters and posts are copyrighted to the members of the game. No material from this site should be copied in any way, shape, or form without utter express permission from the members and staff. All references to worlds and characters based on Anne McCaffrey's 'Dragonrider of Pern' series are copyright Anne McCaffrey 1967-2017, all rights reserved. The Dragonriders of Pern is registered U.S. Patent and Trademark Office, by Anne McCaffrey, used here with general permission for non-commercial purposes without monetary gain.

 
Add Reply
New Topic
New Poll

 Kallen : Dragon Candidate
Meloneth
 Posted: Nov 5 2017, 05:25 AM
Quote
N/A





11 Posts
115 Marks
Member Inventory: View


user posted image

Name: Kallen
Gender: Male
Age: 14
Sexuality: Unknown, probably bisexual
Location: Dalibor Weyr
Rank: Dragon Candidate
Age-Out Date:

Personality:
Under the placid appearance of Kallen’s broad face and half-sloped shoulders, the small man is close to shaking with rage, because he loves this new world, this world he has been denied so long. How could anybody dislike Dalibor Weyr, dislike their new and exciting ways? He talks very little, and when he does, the words sound rehearsed. Because they are. He doesn’t want to seem as abnormal as he believes he is, with the hill-hold mumble rather than the clearer tones of the Weyr and greater Holds; with the shy (or worse, hissed like they could mean the end of the world) questions--about history, relations, colors of beasts, songs, and Holds. And the folk of Dalibor must know, too, that Kallen is meticulous. Everything must be understood, found out, examined and classified for him to sleep at night. He has seen that the world is a dark place, and his guiding light takes the form of organization, body and mind. He loves to write since being moved to the Candidate Barracks, practicing on sandtables and slates and pottery shards, at last having a chance to extend the education Bazyon kept from him for so long. He was bound once by laziness and tomfoolery, living with a snake among the wherries, but he is determined to not be weak again. Physically, Kallen will go to any length to visually and mentally distance himself from his wreck of a father. He is neat, tidy, groomed for what he hopes to be every occasion and possibility. His outfit is nearly always soft grey-brown, a color he feels blends well into stone, creating the illusion one is part of the other.
But, despite Kallen’s history and steep learning curve, he is also a boy, with a boy’s pride in his looks and assumption that his future is bright. He is almost never seen without a comb, because what if you know, just needed to clean his 18-27 chin hairs right then and there? You never know.

Appearance:
Kallen’s small, powerful body is built like a barrel, constantly on edge and ready to fight. When he gets too intense in a conversation, he tends to lean forwards, as though trying to make himself look bigger. It doesn’t work, particularly when he overextends and stumbles right as he was making the best point. Once he gets another growth spurt on him, he will be an even 6 feet tall, but will never lose the vague resemblance to a wher or guard canine, with his heavy, shamble-footed gait or the way his movements seem to center between his shoulder blades rather than from the shoulder itself. His hair is thick, nut-brown and silky, a forelock occasionally falling forwards across his round wher-face, right down between his round eyes.
The tips of his right fourth and fifth fingers are missing, as are two of his smaller left toes. He also bears a frostbite scar on the side of his left leg, though it does not impede his mobility very much.

Family:
Mother: Kaelrim, drudge
Father: Bazyon, drudge
Siblings: None.
Pets: None

History:
In the far North, serving under Bitra Hold, there is a small cothold, little more than a few buildings jammed together. It is called Fair Winds Cot, the best joke anybody, to their knowledge, has told in the area for a very long time. Kaelrim and her husband Bazyon were the owners of one cothold, farming the small amount of tough land that was even arable, every night bringing in their few beasts to sleep in the stone building--the stones twice regulation length to keep in the heat generated by their bodies.

They had always been unlucky with attempts towards children, towards expanding their farm or gaining better repute amongst their neighbors. Unlucky, they said, with farming, and love, and craft, and kin; or so they bemoaned when anybody would listen. Their Farmholder was a kindly sort, or perhaps he simply did not care to often chase up into the cold and wet to try and drag mediocre tithe out of cotholders who asked for nothing but to be left alone.

In the third year of the current Pass was the white wherry plague, and they seemed to trade the symptoms back and for several months, although neither died. Kaelrim and Bazyon managed to have a single child later that year--a boy named Kallen, sturdy when well-fed, born with quite a bit of confusion and fanfare, as there was no way to get a birthing-woman out to their cot, and they wouldn’t have trusted one anyways. Harper-trained, probably, and they didn’t need that around, telling them what they needed to do and what they didn’t.

Kallen was a biddable child, useful for a farming cot, strong and sensible with the most obvious wher-headed traits of his parents not appearing on immediate inspection. Quickly he learned that his best chance of survival, as well as the survival of his family, was to complete his chores at the farm, or improve upon them. Bazyon and Kaelrim may not have been interested in doing more than what directly benefitted them, but Kallen wanted more. Wanted to adapt and thrive, not just survive, in this cold cot at the top of the world.

When Kallen was eight Turns of age, the Storm of all Passes hit Pern, leaving Fair Winds cot hidden further in the cold and dark of the far North of Pern. Kaelrim barely survived from that horror, forcing Bazyon and Kallen to nurse her back to health even as they hurried to clear the ice and snow from their frozen smallhold. It was here that Kallen gained his frostbite scars, the marks he carries to this day to remind him how tenuous his former life was.

The next Turn was fairly unremarkable, as most Turns of Kallen's life had been at Fair Winds, following the cycles of extreme cold and faint heat, shearing and spinning, the twice-yearly trade runs down to larger Holds, birth and death of their beasts.

It was the Doomfall that ended that. The erratic Fall tore their small world apart, killing beast and parent, leaving Kallen and a handful of their herdbeasts alive, their fields consumed despite Kallen's steady burning of them with agenothree. He buried what he could, Bazyon and Kaelrim both, under cairns to protect their remains in death from Thread, before trying to make his way southwards to slightly safer lands.

The going was slow, trading for what he needed, begging when it suited him, working the most. Ten turns old, his looks could sometimes garner pity, and sometimes the holders and crafters he came across saw another strong back. During his movement south and his time serving as a drudge over the next three Turns, turning to whatever masters could keep him, the word of Dalibor Weyr naturally reached his wide-flung ears. A Weyr who thought forward, who thought ahead...rebellious, certainly, in the eyes of some, but to Kallen their preparation made sense. The world was dangerous, but you could carve out a life if you were clever and fast and farseeing. Which Dalibor was, and Dalibor, a young and growing Weyr, would need workers, riders...Candidates.

With what marks he had earned, and little more than the clothes on his back, Kallen made the journey to Dalibor in the hopes of Search, of service, and of protection under stone and steel.

Adoption Preference: Transfer or Kill

Cross-Impressionable No
SubQueen Impressible: Yes


Impression Preference:
This section is completely optional

Desired Colors:

Banned Colors:
Reds. Out of character, I do not think I could play an effective one in the least.

Preferred Personalities:

Undesirable Personalities:

In-Character Considerations:


Mauling Preferences:
Up to hamstringing on one leg or loss of an eye. Loss of hands and feet--one hand and/or one foot. Bruised ribs a-okay, as well as light cuts. Please inform me beforehand on big ones (loss of eye, hamstringing), if possible. If not possible, please just do one, not both.
PMEmail
^
Meloneth
 Posted: Nov 5 2017, 02:41 PM
Quote
N/A





11 Posts
115 Marks
Member Inventory: View


Ready for examination!
PMEmail
^
Ruin
 Posted: Nov 10 2017, 05:12 PM
Quote
Betahandler





3054 Posts
639 Marks
Member Inventory: View


Hey, Meloneth!

This app seems somewhat disjointed like it was two apps put together, so I'm going to try to run through everything in one go:

Personality: Needs a lot of expansion in general, but it's hard to say in which areas because there is a lot of confusion here. For example it references his accent (which isn't personality) as coming from his child, but he's a 14 turn old and doesn't have a child. This section should be about how he is, how he acts, not why. Just a picture of who he is as a person mentally.

You also mention it being strange that he has no craft, and is uneducated with an accent, this is actually the complete opposite. Crafting is actually much more rare on Pern, and drudges don't have a Craft (otherwise they'd be known as Crafters) yet they make up the majority of the workforce. This wouldn't be odd to him or anyone around him, so if you want this to be something he believes we need to know why.


Appearance: A good bit of this section doesn't belong here, for instance his meticulousness, writing, and distancing himself from his father and all of the sentences related to those topics could be in his personality instead.


History: There are a lot of issues with the history that will need to be re-worked for our canon, here is a general summary:

Drudges: they are hired to work, given food and shelter, and if they don't work they are exiled and thrown out. You don't have the luxury of being a layabout as a drudge, and if you are, you don't last for very long at all. This is true of anywhere on Pern, whether it is Weyr, Hold, or Hall.

No one is whipping drudges at Dalibor or any of the Western Holds. Bodily harm isn't really something that is necessary when you can simply threaten to throw someone out into the wilds.


Plague: The initial transmission of the plague was from wherries, but the vast, vast majority of Pernese who became sick actually got it from one another. So avoiding wherries was no guarantee of not becoming sick.

Likewise, they wouldn't be the only people to not become sick, it was infectious, but not exceedingly so, more like a flu. There are plenty of PCs even now at Dalibor who were around for the plague but did not get it, and no one who was healthy was shunned for being healthy.


Paths & Doomfall: Dalibor doesn't have any secret paths. She's a fairly young Weyr, for one, so she didn't benefit from stonecutters as the North did, but for two, all Weyrs utilize their available space. If an area is dangerous or unsuited for use it would be sealed off to protect against tunnelsnakes or lost people. Holds and Halls will have even less free space where you wouldn't be seen by anyone.

Furthermore if they did manage to find empty tunnels, there is nowhere deep enough that will get cold enough to cause frostbite, much less in the time frame of Doomfall which lasted the same as a regular fall, just a handful of hours.


Storm of all Passes: This storm buried the lower caverns! Everyone who lived down below from drudges to Crafters and Wherhandlers had to be moved out into the upper tunnels and private Dragonrider weyrs. When the snow melted, the lower caverns were flooded and it took time to clear them out and clean them up again.


Traditions: Another large part of your character is being ignorant of Pernese traditions, this is just not possible growing up at a Weyr, or even in a Hold or Hall. He would have been around other children day and night being socialized and trained by the Weyr/Hold Harper.


If you want to keep his general ignorance of the world, the absolute best way would be to have him grow up on a small back-woods cothold in the far North and fix up the history to remove living at the Weyr and Dalibor/Western-only history items. Then you would need to have him Searched by a local Northern Weyr and transferred to Dalibor (for a reason).

Please let me know if you have any questions!
@Meloneth


*click for plot page*
user posted image
PM
^
Meloneth
 Posted: Dec 3 2017, 07:29 PM
Quote
N/A





11 Posts
115 Marks
Member Inventory: View


Second run-through, ready to go!
PMEmail
^
Ivy
 Posted: Dec 11 2017, 01:06 AM
Quote
Alphahandler





1209 Posts
1030 Marks
Member Inventory: View


I am a very wordy individual so this seems super long and critical but it isn’t, so please don’t fret. The changes you’ve made to your app for Kallen are pretty good so far, there are just a few areas it needs some neatening up.

Personality:
There are some inconsistencies within Kallen’s personality/appearance that make pinpointing him difficult. You may want to consider making it clearer so future hatchmoms can find the right kind of dragon for him when the time comes. The areas that are most confusing are the references to him being nearly ‘shaking with rage’, rehearsing his ‘shy’ words, as well as trying to intimidate others. In areas it reads as though Kallen has anger issues (which is fine if he does, it just isn’t very clear) but in other areas it reads as though Kallen is reserved and fairly well composed. There is also a lot of animosity apparent towards his father in particular, though aside from his father having no ambition to want more from life than running a cothold it isn’t apparent why this animosity exists. Clearly Kallen blames his father for not giving him an education but there’s no why behind it given it is unlikely his father had an education himself. Is this just teenage hormone-induced rebellious dislike for his father or something deeper? If it is a key part of his personality (which it reads as it might be) then this may be somewhere you’d like to indulge further, both in the personality some as well as the history. It’s certainly interesting at least!

Appearance:
This belongs in appearance as it doesn’t make much sense in personality:
QUOTE
His outfit is nearly always soft grey-brown, a color he feels blends well into stone, creating the illusion one is part of the other.


History:
QUOTE
When Kallen was eight Turns of age, the Storm of all Passes hit Pern, leaving Fair Winds cot hidden further in the cold and dark of the far North of Pern. Kaelrim barely survived from that horror, forcing Bazyon and Kallen to nurse her back to health even as they hurried to clear the ice and snow from their frozen smallhold. It was here that Kallen gained his frostbite scars, the marks he carries to this day to remind him how tenuous his former life was.

While it sounds rather intimidating the storm was impactful only on the western continent; the weather patterns of the northern continent would not have changed, especially not to the levels described here. Given that Bitra Hold itself is located in a valley, there is a chance that this cothold is also in a valley. Because of the geometrical location of the cothold it likely has bitterly cold winters; there’s no reason to assume Kallen could not have suffered from frostbite from being out in the cold too long. For instance he may have been trying to take care of herdbeasts that had escaped the ill maintained fences, or the like. You can be fairly creative here, as long as it falls within the general canon of the location. ^^

The bit about Kallen burning the thread clumps with agenothree should be omitted, a small poor cothold who fails to regularly put out a decent crop haul would not have access to a flamethrower.

It is unlikely he would have made it on the road alone at such a young age - plenty of trader caravans travel about that area so it would make more sense to have him take up with one of those. This would offer him some protection as they would know when to expect threadfall so they would be somewhere safe for each fall, plus he could trade work for meals and clothing.

Travel from the northern continent to the western continent would be quite expensive; trading labor for travel is more likely than him being able to afford it on his own. Alternatively you could have him Searched by a dragonrider from one of the northern Weyrs so he’s an official Candidate - then he could put in for a transfer to Dalibor Weyr, though he’d have to have a reason.

Let us know when you get it all tidied up!


PM
^

Topic Options
Add Reply
New Topic
New Poll


 


 


Chatbox
1. No advertising.

2. No in-depth discussion of highly personal issues, incl. medical issues affecting you, your family or friends, or your pets. Do not ask for medical advice in the cbox.

3. Please refrain from explicit description of illegal, violent or gross subjects. Be mindful of your fellow members and guests to the site.

4. Important communications for staff should be sent via PM - just because someone is on the site does not mean they are looking at the cbox! :)


Cbox Mods: Ruin, Rii, Ivy
Affiliates